Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Buying Paris Hilton's Bed

10. Does it come with penicillin?

9. Will it make my wife more whorey?

8. Is it really made out of super-strong polymers developed by NASA?

7. Is the "Please take a number" device included?

6. Which famous slut's bed does 'Consumer Reports' recommend buying?

5. Does sleeping on this bed qualify me to be a Greek shipping heir?

4. Can it comfortably sleep five?

3. Do I need the undercoating?

2. Can I just pay her to break in my current bed?

1. Why is Regis' name carved into the headboard?